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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-05, 5:13 am

Mrs. A. has just told me that she's broken the satnav and wants £150 for a new one.

She can get lost....
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-06, 6:38 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-06, 6:44 am

An Irish daughter had not been home for over ten years, and upon her return her father yelled at her, "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us?
Not even a line.
Why didn't ye call?
Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"
The girl, crying, replied. (sniff, sniff) "Dad, I was too embarrassed, 'cos I became a prostitute!"
"Ye what?
Get out of here, ye shameless hussy!
Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family, so yer are."
"OK, Daddy, as ye wish.
I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat, a title deed to a eight bedroom mansion plus a £5 million cheque. For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex, and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club."
She takes a breath and continues "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean!"
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Daddy.
Girl, crying again says. (sniff, sniff) "A prostitute, Daddy!"
"Oh Be Jesus!
Ye scared me half to death girl.

I thought that ye said a PROTESTANT."
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-07, 8:40 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-07, 8:41 am

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Post  Lever Malone on 2020-08-07, 9:16 am

Gordon Armstrong wrote:[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]


Well he got off lightly. He still has the bike.
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-07, 5:49 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-07, 5:54 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-08, 1:34 am

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife, a stunning blonde, goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face, she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?”
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time....?”
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-10, 6:54 am

I think that my wife's starting to get dementia . . . . she just said that she doesn't remember what she ever saw in me !
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-11, 8:06 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-11, 8:07 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-11, 8:10 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-12, 1:48 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-12, 1:49 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-12, 1:53 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-12, 1:54 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-14, 5:08 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-14, 5:11 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-15, 10:08 pm

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-16, 8:19 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-16, 8:19 am

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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-17, 7:38 am

Police have confirmed that they have arrested the man who fell inside a combine harvester after trying to steal it.

He is due to be bailed tomorrow !
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-20, 6:47 am

I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

It was the grater of two evils.
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Post  Gordon Armstrong on 2020-08-20, 6:48 am

Although my mum is from Arran, my dad from Kashmir, my maternal grandparents from Jersey and my paternal grandparents from Cardigan, we are still a close-knit family.
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