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Some light hearted relief.

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Some light hearted relief.

Post  cyprussyd on 2017-04-27, 6:19 pm

Ponder on these imponderables for a minute......
.
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? (I like this one alot!)
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the post?
16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
17. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
18. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards:
19. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
20. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
21. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  canary-dave on 2017-04-27, 7:39 pm

Love number 12  Very Happy

like

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  cyprussyd on 2017-04-27, 7:40 pm

canary-dave wrote:Love number 12  Very Happy

like
2 stretches for me a 24 term and a 12 term

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  canary-dave on 2017-04-27, 7:41 pm

cyprussyd wrote:
canary-dave wrote:Love number 12  Very Happy

like
2 stretches for me a 24 term and a 12 term

My two were 7 and 8 affraid

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  cyprussyd on 2017-04-27, 7:44 pm

canary-dave wrote:
cyprussyd wrote:
canary-dave wrote:Love number 12  Very Happy

like
2 stretches for me a 24 term and a 12 term

My two were 7 and 8 affraid
got off light then

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  Hieronymus on 2017-04-27, 7:49 pm

No 17 is quite topical! Laughing

I rather liked number 18 too as buying 'posh' water really seems the most ridiculous thing ever for me! Very Happy
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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  cyprussyd on 2017-04-27, 10:30 pm


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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  barrowmackem on 2017-04-28, 11:18 am

7,  Laughing

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  cyprussyd on 2017-04-29, 8:11 am

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  canary-dave on 2017-04-29, 11:46 am

An Arab Sheikh was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab had not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. So he phoned the Arab and said him: "I thought you would be more generous than that - last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates!"

To which the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but remember I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

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Re: Some light hearted relief.

Post  Hieronymus on 2017-04-29, 12:19 pm

canary-dave wrote:An Arab Sheikh was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab had not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. So he phoned the Arab and said him: "I thought you would be more generous than that - last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates!"

To which the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but remember I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Re: Some light hearted relief.

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